The Road to Hell
by obstinateRixatrix
Summary: Hitomi never really intended to fall for Kyousuke.


(_it was the best she could do, for both of them_)

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><p>Hitomi never really intended to fall for Kyousuke.<p>

The thing is, she didn't want to steal him, seduce him, or in any way lead him astray – it was all an accident that she even knew of his existence (which happened to be the same instant she knew for certain that Sayaka was in love). He just happened to visit their classroom right before Hitomi had left for her piano lessons, and of course Sayaka (who, she wouldn't have believed it if she hadn't seen it for herself, was _blushing_) had to introduce her charming childhood friend to them. He was a very cheerful boy who had such soft edges, she couldn't help being drawn to him. After that, he seemed to be everywhere. She would always see him in the music room, in the hallways, and walking with Sayaka. He never seemed to know who she was, but would still return her greetings with warmth. He was an almost distant figure, one barely within reach; before she knew it, she was already ensnared within the throes of infatuation.

(She could still see him standing by the elegant basilica of a church, radiant from a flawless performance – he was _beautiful_)

Of course, just when she realizes her feelings, Kyousuke is sent to the hospital. She never quite knows the details, only that there was a terrible accident, that "the articulation was heavily damaged", "the spinal cord suffered severe trauma", and other such obtuse medical nonsense. When she visits him with offerings of food and felicitations, he looks healthy enough but his radiance is replaced with a gaunt, hollow tinge, all his innocuous comments tainted with hints of cynicism. She can almost hear his pain, the sorrow of a musician unable to ply his trade. The air of self-deprecation surrounding a broken-winged bird.

She knows she can't burden him with her feelings now, not while he's so injured – physically and emotionally. Not for the first time, she feels a stabbing jealousy towards Sayaka. Sayaka, who is his childhood friend, who he knows, who he talks to. Now the closest she ever is to him is when she tentatively broaches the subject of his recovery with the tomboy; while she obtains diluted information, she doesn't have to (unsuccessfully) attempt to scale the unyielding walls he had built ever since his hospitalization, walls which block everyone from ever getting close to him.

(everyone except sayaka)

But then Kyousuke's arm heals. It's as if it was straight out of a fairy tale, how sudden, how miraculous it was, and while Hitomi is the happiest she had ever been in her short life, she was now faced with a new dilemma. She could stand by the sidelines, admire him from afar and wait for him to notice her. Or she could just confess outright. But the problem with both scenarios (and any variation between) is that if he does notice her, if they do become a couple, Sayaka would be crushed. But if she just passively passes a chance at her happiness just for the _possibility_ of another's, wouldn't that be unfair to her? Sayaka has known him longer, but does that mean her own feelings were inferior?

(This is why she hates love triangles – they're always so messy, leaving a path of broken hearts and insecurity, a trail of salty tears. No matter the outcome, someone is always hurt)

In the end, she compromises. She decides to confess to him, but gives her friend a chance to do so before. She couldn't just ignore Sayaka's feelings, but they both deserve a chance, and she thinks this is the best way. If this spurs a confession from the blue-haired girl, she can find happiness; if Kyousuke finds that he does love her, she'll be happy and Hitomi will be happy for her, and if he doesn't, then she can finally move on and find her own happiness. And if either of the scenarios happen to her, then the same goes for herself. It isn't fair to Sayaka, unable to convey her feelings on her own terms. It isn't fair to Hitomi, unable to voice her feelings and trapped in a lingering state of longing. But it's the best she could do.

She still hasn't gotten a response from him, but funnily enough she's much more worried about how her friend will react than how the object of her affection will. Sure, Sayaka knew she was going to confess, but knowing wasn't the same as _knowing_. Even though she knows that she doesn't have to feel guilty, that she's done all she can, she feels a twinge of regret that it came to this and resolves to try to salvage their friendship, regardless of Kyousuke's answer, and really _talk_ with Sayaka once all this is done and over with. If they both end up broken-hearted, at least they can support each other, maybe reconcile. If Sayaka never wants to see her face again, she'd understand, but she was at least going to try to stay with her. She doesn't think she could stand it if their friendship was ruined by such an insignificant, yet crucial predicament, and she's willing to do most anything to save it.

The next day Miki Sayaka is found dead in a hotel room and for one terrible moment all Hitomi was aware of was an echoing, resonating, _consuming_ thought:

_**It's all my fault**_

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><p><em>(guilt can do so much worse than death)<em>

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><p>The only reason I managed to finish this was because there was this English project about using vocabulary words, so I was all "TWO BIRDS, ONE STONE."<p>

The title is kind of misleading I guess, since it sort of conveys a negative message about Hitomi. But I've always had a fondness for that saying, and I think it fits. In trying to create a situation that minimizes emotional trauma to all involved, trying to compromise in every way she can, Hitomi inadvertently leads Sayaka to despair. I really want to know what Hitomi did in that other universe that caused Witch!Sayaka to use her image as familiars. I really love exploring alternate worlds, and the details within! I'd write it myself, but I honestly have no clue what she could've done. If I do actually get inspiration to write more PMMM, I'm planning on writing a more dialogue heavy interaction between Kyousuke and Hitomi after Sayaka's death. As much as I'd love for this to be a certainty don't get your hopes up.

I still have trouble with telling verses showing, but I don't really know how to incorporate it into this sort of style. I really wish I had a beta to read over my shoulder and brainstorm with, but none of my writer friends have gotten too far into the show yet. :/

I'm just gonna end the note here. If you have any comments, questions, complaints, no matter how short, long, anything in between, please do review!


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